Long before I joined the UsedVictoria crew, I was an avid fan of the site who spent most nights after work scouring the latest ads for good deals and random items.  Usually, the posts were simple and straightforward like “Brown Couch for Sale: good condition,” but sometimes if I was fortunate, I’d come across ads that you could classify as odd or unique. I like to call these posts the “Bonus Ads”.

These quirky little gems make you laugh, sometime intentionally but usually unintentionally making them all the more entertaining.  Some people really take the time to get you to connect with their item for sale.

For instance, rather than just posting “Brown couch for sale,” this individual posted the following:

$400 – Loves Friday nights in and candle-lit dinners…
More than a loveseat, I’m comfortable, stylish and modern…and I want to be yours! My dark espresso colour and deep seats set the mood for lovin’ or a cozy night in. I’d be up for lounging around with you in pyjamas or entertaining your LoJo/HiFo friends at a sophisticated dinner party. 

I’ve got very little baggage – just one former lover with whom I was in a five year relationship. We ended on good terms and I’m feeling practically brand new with only minor scarring and my pre-relationship figure practically intact.
Oh, and if you’re into this kind of thing, my stats are 75″ L x 36″ W x 32″ H but I don’t expect you to be similarly sized in return – I embrace all types.
If you’re interested, check me out – I’d be up for a staycation together…or at least Sunday morning coffee 😉

I mean, after reading this who wouldn’t want to buy this loveseat?? It sounds better than most of my ex-boyfriends…you know who you are!  Oops, sorry for the bitterness moment. Ahem…

You would think that most posts are advertising the opportunity to buy household items or vehicles, but what if you could buy yourself a friend? Check out this post:

PROFESSIONAL FRIEND! Best Dudes forever Abe...
The Ghandi to your Abe, the Spock to your Kirk, the Pauly D to your Vinnie, the Ren to your Stimpy, the Bart to your Milhouse, the Kramer to your Seinfeld, the inanimate objects to your Guy from Blues Clues!
Have you ever been in a position that would have just gone much smoother if you had a friend?
Have you ever just wanted to get the hell out of an awkward situation using the social device that human companionship has caused us to ever crave?
Have you ever needed that sap- I mean – buddy to help heave poor old, decrepid, shellshocked, grandpas ridiculously heavy antique couch up the stairs of the last building he will ever call home?
WELL YOU ARE NOW IN LUCK! For like the lyrical god RANDY NEWMAN stated ‘You, have a friend, in me.’
My services are not only affordable but so varied that you will think me a social demi-god! or at least an escaped mental patient…

Check out rest of the post as he continues to list off the various ways you can utilize him as a friend…there’s a lot: http://www.usedvictoria.com/classified-ad/PROFFESIONAL-FRIEND-Best-Dudes-forever-Abe_17508742

My favorite bonus posts are the ones where people have no idea they’re being funny.  For instance, this person was just trying to be a good samaritan and return a lost item:

FOUND – MEASURING TAPE…Did you lose a measuring tape around the corner of McTavish and East Saanich Roads? Reply with a description and I’ll return it to you.

Well, I’m guessing if I had replied describing it as a “square box with a spool of measuring tape coming out of it,” they would have returned it to me.  Hopefully the real owner of the measuring tape replied first!

People really do post about the darndest things and I tip my hat off to those creative individuals out there who don’t want to just sell you an item but a story as well. And to those of you whose posts weren’t meant to be funny, you obviously have a comedic gift you just weren’t aware of, so keep posting ads in order to hone those skills and continue to entertain us.

If you’d like to hear more funny ad posts and live in Victoria, come check us out at the Cinema Tent at Rifflandia this weekend.  UsedVictoria has furnished this cozy space and between music videos, we’ll be airing readings of some of the funniest ads ever posted on Usedeverywhere.com. Trust me, there are some good ones. Hope to see some of you there!